I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
