remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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