I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
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A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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