Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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