i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
