oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
