im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize