I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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