Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
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I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
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You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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