I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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