My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
