He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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