Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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