I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
MIDGETS
????
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
