my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
