what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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