Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
