my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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