I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
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you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
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I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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