you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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