Christians are straight up FREAKS
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
