:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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