are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
