This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
