I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
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She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
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I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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