I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
