Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
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Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
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He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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