I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
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