I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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