The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
