Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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