please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Randomize
