textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
