It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
