Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
