Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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