Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
