If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
