So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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