the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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