like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
