i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
