I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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