Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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