honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
