she smelled like a LAN party
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Randomize
