I saw his package. It spoke to me.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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