I hate all girls vehemently.
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
