yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
