I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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