i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
