really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
