I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Pooping to opera.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
