Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize