There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize