It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
