Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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