haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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