Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
