there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
