So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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