I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
