who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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