i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Dicks are not precious.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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