I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
