Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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