I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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