if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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