imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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