Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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