porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
