are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
