and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
