If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
