Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
