Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Michael Bay diarrhea
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
