Midget sex pt 2 tonight
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
